I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize