dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
