When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Pooping to opera.
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