My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he was CRYING into my vagina
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
