I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
