I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
