life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
