We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
