omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
