if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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