he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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