i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
