i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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