Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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