The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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