I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
