Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
