Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize