Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
