So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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