You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
