I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
