You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
