You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
