what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
