Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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