she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
