He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
