Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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