I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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