I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
