We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
