dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
