Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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