bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
