Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
