No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
from now on my penis is your penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
