Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
