There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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