You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize