omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
