You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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