My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
