Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
