dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
