the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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