some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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