i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
