I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
