One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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