dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
