When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
