He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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