please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize