Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
