i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
