no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
