i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
