gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
