You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
