What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
