I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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