i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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