just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
A+ Viking dick
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
