Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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