take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
