and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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