You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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