JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize