i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
