i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm getting married
To pizza
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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