Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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