somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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