Already got asked if we're dating
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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