Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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