The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
