life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize