Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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