8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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