Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
