omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
