i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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