either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
