dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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