I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
