I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
