I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
