Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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