please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
