I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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