theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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