You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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