My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
