I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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