I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
