If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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