WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
