I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
