hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize