I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
