***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
