I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
