did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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