In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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