Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
