I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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