this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
