Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize