Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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