I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
where does the pee come out of this thing
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
