girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
