I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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