one might say we're banned from that church
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
