the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize