i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
