Pappa wants mamma naked
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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