If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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