Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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